Or, "I'm trying to keep a sense of wonder but I might be too jaded for my own good".
It snowed the night before last. Yes, I know, I did not set out to be one of those bloggers, but considering the number of failed posts I've tried to do in the last few weeks (there was a reflection on my Halloween costume and how strangely appropriate that ended up but dammit I am really trying post things that are not fandom-related here)... yeah. This, at least, I can presumably write without mentioning the parallel girls too much.
Snow is one of those things for me. I've lived in southeast Indiana (Cincinnati-adjacent) my whole life, and if there is one thing this area doesn't handle well, it's winter. I'd say weird weather in general, but snow's a unique beastie because though we definitely get it in decent quantities (if you live somewhere where they don't close stuff down until there's at least a foot of the white death, this is your cue to shut up), it always sends people into panic mode. You do not want to be in public right before a snow scare. Trust me on this. I work in a grocery store - thankfully, I'm in non-foods and people don't panic-buy shampoo, but this past weekend was eye-opening because I'd underestimated exactly how chaotic things get right before a snow scare. (Answer - mayhem. It's on par with Black Friday in a shopping-mall food court, which is another post I am probably never going to actually do.) People are weird. I guess because of my background, I'm fascinated by how normal people handle things (or in this case don't handle them), but my innocent eyes have been opened by this and I was just fine before that happened.
Of course, I was expecting it to not do anything. When I got home from work Sunday night, it was 36 degrees and trying to do something but failing at that. Aaaand then I woke up yesterday (Monday) morning and... somewhere in the vicinity of three inches of powdery white death. Joy.
Now, the reason I am not thrilled with this stuff is because people around here are generally bad drivers to begin with and adding in snow and ice makes it hella dangerous to leave one's own house. I'm not entirely sure what the requirements are for getting a license are in Indiana or Ohio, but some government equivalent of middle management needs to form a committee and reassess them. Thankfully, yesterday did not include me yelling profanities at questionably competent people on my way to work. I thought it would, but... no. Either the need was not there, said people finally had the sense to stay home, or both. I dunno. It was a nice surprise. Kinda doubt it'll happen again, but a girl can dream.
Anywho, the reason this post is a thing is because while I was shoveling my driveway yesterday afternoon, it hit me that my parallel girls (I dunno if I've addressed that topic before but I'll get on it sooner or later) would love this. Far as I know, neither of 'em had ever experienced snow in their 'verses. They would have a sense of wonder. And then my mind wandered to various projects I'm writing, and the mental image of Scarlett Evans playing out in snow is amazing. (Scarlett, for the record, is the main character in a project I swear I'm gonna finish one of these days. That's another post I need to do, because she's been a brainpest for years and formative and... gah, rambling, bad me.) And it hit me that I really don't have that sense of wonder. I haven't in years. I'm jaded, not because of anything I did but the fact that I suck at coping mechanisms doesn't really help, y'know? I probably could've saved myself some of this pain, but too late now!! But maybe there's hope. Maybe I can get some of that goodness back. I'm a natural pessimist - if any of y'all think I ought to go full Pollyanna, please reassess your life and your belief system because that is not happening - but maybe it's still possible for me to wander closer to the middle of the grayscale. I could do that, yeah.
Song of the day - "Scream My Name", Tove Lo.
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